An ultimate problem that I'm facing.

There are a lot of things that I want to be, to do and to achieve.
But there is one thing that I want the most in me is.............

SELF-CONFIDENCE

Yes. Mua is suffering from a lack of confidence which inevitably leads to depression and stress.
But don't worry, it is not so serious that leads to suicidal la.. krazee..anyways....
I've been struggling with this since Form4.
Damn bloody long ryte...
It's been 4 years, 4 freaking years.

I am finding hard to progress in life and in relationship wise.
I always tend to isolate myself.
I feel I have lots of potential but I just can’t master those efforts because I'm afraid I will make a fool of myself.

I bet lots of you know that I'm actually a quiet, soft-spoken and an extremely shy girl.
I don't talk much. Even when I'm with my band, I always keep my mouth shut.
I'm always worry that I would say something wrong or say things that would hurt ones feeling.
Well, I'm only talkative with my best friends I'm close with.
I have a problem facing up with people too.
I become extremely embarrassed and start to shake and twitch when talking to them.
Not even just talking to them, by just seeing them or greeting them from far, I would feel like that too.

I find it hard to have a practical conversation with friends and people at and outside of college.
And I often feel very nervous and worried that other people are looking at me.
I will be like....
'Why are they looking at me?'
'Is there something wrong with me?'
'Is there something on my face?'
'I look weird izit?'
Yes. Self-consciousness is the word.

Do you know is so hard to been in this kind of situation?
All these has kept me from doing things I like and want to do.
I always wanted to be a girl who stands out in the crowd and be really friendly.
A girl who has this awesome confidence that will be able to achieve whatever she longs for, to live a life without worries and anxiety.
Oh please help me....

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